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Reddit dependent relationship
Reddit dependent relationship. . the girl I have been dating for just over a month now She's not your girlfriend, is she?She's just a girl you're dating?. hello, i will preface by saying i love my boyfriend very much, but his dependency issue is a glaring obstacle in our path at the moment. But yeah, the issuance of his visa will largely be dependent on my capability as a guarantor/sponsor so I have to get my documents in order. ” Hi! Im 27F and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend 40M for 2 years now. Mar 24, 2023 · In codependent relationships, one person sacrifices more than the other. Sometimes the cues are subtle, sometimes your partner will actually say the words, “I don’t want to be in a relationship with you. Think of how your life was before you two got together. I am suicidal (have struggled with suicidal ideation and severe mental illness since I was 12) and I am very unhappy in this financially dependent relationship even though my partner pays for all the bills. Some background: I am in therapy and have made a lot of progress, mainly in recognizing past emotional abuse from my mother and learning how to deal with her now. Your 200 miles seems to me like an excuse the 24-year-old LieutenantPickles would have made about a relationship he just wasn't that interested in. I was her 4th, she had been with a few guys for 4, or 7 years, one of them (last one before I met her) was a narcissistic abuser that let her with some trauma. The earlier definitions of it were as it applies to a relationship with a person that is dependent on a substance, like an alcoholic or addict. I’m mentally and physically drained. I'll try to mince my words as best I can, but as someone who has been in a few relationships with people who were emotionally dependent on me I'm a little harsh about it all. I (25,F) would be incredibly grateful for some advice. If she's not your girlfriend, then your situation may not be her being "independent-minded", but her just taking things slowly to start a relationship. So if you don't want to be in that relationship, starting to feel obligated to hang around, maybe you should start seriously reconsidering your priorities? But it's always been a choice between him landing a job here and getting sponsored for a work visa or us marrying first so I could sponsor him for a dependent visa. OK her idea of a relationship is that a couple does everything together as a couple. They are affirm loans. You cannot meet her needs and she cannot meet your needs. He sometimes avoids the emotions of a relationship. Realize what you need from a relationship and find people who can and want to give it you. . I can look back honestly at my past and my relationships and see that all of my best, most intense and fondest relationships were with other codependents. Having healthy I'm 44M, have had quite a few meaningful relationships including a 10 year marriage that ended years ago. Your idea of a relationship is to do things apart. I am far from dependent on anyone, I'm a grown adult raising a toddler on my own. /r/Relationships is a community built around helping people and the goal of providing a platform for interpersonal relationship advice between redditors. Period. We have a loving relationship with occasional arguments here and there, like normal couples do. Surviving the relationship, adjusting, and adapting? Sure. I felt like I was a failure, a monster. I’d say try to revive the hobbies you had prior relationship. Obviously with our age gap we are both emotionally at different maturity levels, but I swear nothing makes you feel more alone when you are waiting for a reply from your partner to help ease your heart after freaking yourself out thanks to your overactive mind. Talk to your university or college and explain the situation. • 4 yr. The best thing you can do for yourself and the relationship is trying to make your own friends, even if it’s extremely difficult. lastly, be cautious about taking advice from 20 year olds on reddit who don't know shit about managing a decade or lifelong relationship. org Aug 17, 2018 · Some of the most common characteristics of codependency are people-pleasing, low self-esteem, fear of abandonment, difficulty trusting, poor boundaries, caretaking or rescuing, wanting to feel in Feb 28, 2022 · Research from 2018 outlines several criteria for love addiction, including the following that overlap with codependency symptoms: spending a lot of time thinking about your partner. Welcome to r/codependency! We're a community of redditors who've become aware of/are wondering if they are developing signs of codependency. This was my experience of this transition, which I've tried to express as a summary of my journey of recovery from co-dependency, I apologise for any triggers, I am sharing in the hope it might help others and is posted with love as you go on your own journey. There’s an unhealthy reason WHY you keep running back to someone toxic and that needs to be explored and changed. at the beginning of the relationship: spending every possible chance together, not taking time to be an individual outside of the relationship, hitting milestones too early (i love you, moving in together, ect) emotionally regulating for your partner. TL;DR: great fam relationships but they didn’t understand my panic attacks as a kid and would leave me to freak out sometimes. Both of you have different ideas on how a relationship should be like. I hope you are truly past the point of wanting to handle her emotions for her. He paid rent, I paid the utilities and groceries. They are things she needs to address with herself. That’s just not someone who is meeting my basic needs in a relationship. 9 years later and it's like I'm afraid to even leave the house on my own. and dont fall for her emotional blackmail about suicide. Not all therapists are good. ANd if a relationship is bad for a person, it will reflect in their stagnation /decline. Its not a bad thing, don’t be ashamed of who you are. Basically incompatibility. we met halfway through my sophomore year, he was a year above me, and we went to diff schools. Check that you're not trying to stay in the relationship 'no matter what' as a reflection of maybe something like wanting your attachment to your parents to have been far more secure than it was. Should your post include possible psychological or emotional triggers, please detail as such in the post title. Either way, NPD or not, you don't need a personality disorder as an excuse to leave a relationship. But she never got better. However, it was the most intense relationship that I have ever had. You already have a job, so that's half the battle already won. Most of the literature and discussion on codependency focuses on what seems to be the "worst-case scenario" of codependents striking up romantic relationships with narcissists and other codependents. How a healthy relationship should comprise of two independent people who leads independent lives. I still worked, but he made more money than I did, and we split the bills according to our salaries. abusive relationships with a lot of push/pull, belittling, manipulation and gaslighting. When we first started living together I saw some signs that she may have some issues with codependence behaviour. She just cemented her dependent habits & I became ever more the codependent. Good thing stubbornness is a key trait of a co dependent of any king. I am uncomfortable with being financially dependent on anyone, but I was in a relationship over the pandemic where we moved in together (the first time I'd done that), and the security was SO. Manintaining a relationship like this will require patience and communication. To summarize, we met in college, I go to college on the other side of the US, so keep that in mind for future reference. Signs of a healthy relationship include making time for each other, maintaining independence, being honest and open, showing affection, and having equality. I have made a lot of bad financial decisions. For both your sakes. fighting to be heard and respected. I left my relationship about two months ago because I found out it had been codependent the entire time, and when trying to talk about it with my partner I consistently got the excuse that it was “too much to handle” or that they “weren’t ready” and I was “pushing them. Then I started researching how to stop being emotionally dependent on someone (which in my mind translates to how to be able to truly love someone) but every arcticle I found was somehow very abstract, I am looking for more specific advice. From co-dependent to independent relationships Hello everyone - 46M from UK. We've started the process for the latter. When he broke up with me I was a HOT WRECK. She never chased her dreams. But I was that way bc I felt extremely insecure in the relationship- I was constantly getting put down and cheated on- and the guy’s life was a disaster (in and out of jail, no job, etc. See Al-Anon. Time to break up and look for a relationship with someone who has a healthy relationship with their parents and other people as well. From the way you describe things in your post, it's clear that she's just grown more and more dependent on you. But I realised (she admitted it herself) that she's not dependent on this relationship to be happy. I (32F) have been in a relationship for a few years with my BF (33M). You deserve to be loved and taken care of by someone who genuinely wants to, though being reliant on it definitely isn’t the healthiest thing for a relationship. I've been in recovery from codependency for several years now. :) Of course you want to be around him and sleep near him for security. Codependency, in very basic terms, means making your value and your happiness dependent on another person, usually a romantic partner, occasionally a child or parent, but always someone that you have a close relationship with. Most will have access to discretionary hardship funds you can request to help you out. May 8, 2020 · Interdependent relationships, the healthiest type of relationship, fall in the middle. In the newer broader sense, one is codependent if one thinks they are codependent, and it is that thinking that it is a problem that is indicative of a problem. Before being in a relationship I had my own hobbies and things I did on my own that made me happy. And once I became self aware I was way better at understanding my own relationship (my bf is a comboniatiom of avoidant and secure attachment. If your life becomes dependent on the relationship then it will be difficult to leave if things don't work out. ” Hear what they are saying. For the both of you. the last thing you need is input from another child who is going to justify your poor choices and tell you to divorce. But I still followed her about 8 months later. clevelandclinic. But now, with time and therapy, I only wish I had left sooner. It sounds like there’s a lot of distance between you and your girlfriends needs in your relationship. Before, we were long distance and on top of that, we live in different countries, so we made the long flights back and forth a few times each year. Reply. Jun 10, 2021 · a deep-seated need for approval from others; self-worth that depends on what others think about you; a habit of taking on more work than you can realistically handle, both to earn praise or You're treating it as ruining the relationship - if there wasn't really love it's not ruining the relationship, it's accepting how things actually are. yea. My boyfriends mother is extremely dependent of him and it’s interfering with our relationship So I just moved in with my boyfriend of 3 years since one month. If he was looking for honestly and realism, no it's probably not possible. I use to be like your girlfriend in my very first relationship my ex would try to tell me to hang out with my friends. I wasn't willing to continue a relationship separated by 1,000 miles when I was 24, but when I was 29 the pacific ocean and a dream couldn't separate us. But more the most part he’s like you and enjoys his independence). TL;DR: My Girlfriend is emotionally dependent on me and despite me ruining my sleep schedule and talking to her for 10+ HOURS everyday nonstop it still feels like it’s not enough, and sometimes thinks that I don’t love her. Relationships need time and space apart from each other and healthy boundaries. Some people stay stuck in bad relationships because they can't get out. I don't think this could be called a "codependent relationship" fairly. My last relationship was 6 years, so for almost the last decade I have been with someone (I'm 26). ) and I became very co dependent thinking I could fix him and I (F, now 27) was in a co-dependent relationship with my ex (M, now 37) for 3 years. So I know that is more than and different than co dependency but I am ALSO co dependent. phases of agoraphobia, dependence and panic 4 distinct times of my life 114 votes, 29 comments. So. d_everything. We both know that we should respect each other's individuality and give each other their own space. longer term; feeling like you'd crumble without them, anxiety when they leave or something is not overly clarified, feeling like you aren't sure Nov 11, 2020 · Here are some of the telltale signs of a codependent relationship: You’re overly concerned about what the other person is doing, thinking, and feeling—and you want to fix or rescue them from See full list on health. withdrawing I’ve been through this in my first relationship and I wish I had your awareness at the time. Changing codependency within the context of a relationship? That takes will power, focus, and discipline most people just don't have. With any relationship, you have to evaluate what each person is putting into it. For me it felt like they were pulling me down instead of bringing me up. Nothing is enjoyable to do without having someone at my side. Interdependence means you can recognize your own emotional needs and do the work to get many of them met. I need to know where I stand in a relationship. I've been widowed nearly 2 years and it truly feels like she wants me dependent on her and not to move forward and be happy. But assertive communication and creating boundaries can reduce codependency. true. Have you tried talking to him and did he practically break down? This is in no way a healthy relationship and his hyper dependence is coming at the cost of your mental health. •Learn to pay attention to the situation. otherwise ive got no advice for you other than good luck. She will make your life a living hell if the relationship progresses beyond what it is now. Leaving was so hard. You love him. Why do you still wanna be with her? LPT: When entering a relationship try and stay as independent as possible for as long as possible. My relationship with my gf ended a few weeks ago. I tried to discuss this with her from a place of love but she got very defensive and said no, she is just a very loving Codependence can also look like the opposite of some of these examples too- like you feel responsible for constantly meeting the other person’s needs and your happiness depends on their happiness and approval. I gave my bf the bucket metaphor. We're all at different points in our healing, please come with open ears and open hearts. Also, I was in an extremely abusive relationship a few years back where I was very co dependent. The problem starts with this, some incidents led to us talking about individual space and the importance of it. She never made friends. And I need more reassurance than others with a more secure attachment style. You are well on the path of a co-dependent relationship. I fear my bf leaving so bad, I am so scared of not having his attention. You’re right that things can get blurry so it’s best that those involved be clear about what is and isn’t okay. Recently, we had a chat about independence. A disclaimer, she was my very first relationship and the very first time I fell in love, which is definitely a big factor on why I feel now so dependent on her. Experiences of being in a relationship with a co-dependent. If you’re stuck in a toxic, co-dependent relationship you need someone to help change the way you think. It’s so important to have a life outside of your partner. You can leave a relationship no matter how that person is acting, personality disorder or not. Something has to change so you aren't continuing this cycle of dependence. All of her issues are her problems. Firstly your boyfriend is an amazing communicator for telling you exactly what it is that's bothering him, being with someone who's emotionally dependent is exhausting /r/Relationships is a community built around helping people and the goal of providing a platform for interpersonal relationship advice between redditors. Sounds like you are actively trying to put in emotional support, buy gifts, spend time, and be more sexual. Eventually, the toxic nature of the relationship was too much, and I split up with him over a year ago (so we were 23 and 33 when we met). In sociology, codependency is a concept that attempts to characterize imbalanced relationships where one person enables another person's self-destructive tendencies (such as addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement) and/or undermines the other person's relationship. In order to break out of codependent patterns, you need to first understand what a healthy, loving relationship looks like. That’s not what’s happening here. Let me start by saying I have BPD, which is a personality disorder that centers around “the fear of abandonment” and having disorganized relationships with others and self. For example, a guy was dependent on me in a friendship a few years ago and he couldn't get a job, make a phone call, check his e-mail, or choose clothing without consulting me. if you break up with her make it a clean break and get it over with fast and dont ever look back. We seek posts from users who have specific and personal relationship quandaries that other redditors can help them try to solve. I've been really struggling with anxiety and being too dependent on my boyfriend (25,M). i'm older, so take that for what it's worth. This feels like a punch to the gut. NICE. If our relationship is a bucket, we both need to be filling it. What I’ve learned from that and my current relationship is how important alone time is. Listen and don’t just hear what you want to hear. it is very hard to be with someone that struggles with that. If i am someone that is outgoing, makes friends easily, etc. 30. please just get out. I was so dependent on my ex that it would cause unnecessary fights with him and within myself. In codependent relationships, one person Hello fellow women of reddit. ago. Your partner should adding to the relationship too. moved a lot as a kid. The more important you are to her son, the more you threaten her. This could mean a change in the relationship, or even a break up. Relationships only work when both people want to be in it. redditor justification will not absolve you There's no point in an unhappy relationship for two years just to gain financial security. Nov 15, 2023 · Look for signs of a healthy relationship. I was foolishly charmed by his ability to For those in a non hetero cis monogamous relationships, I’d say that the people involved should communicate and set their expectations.
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